Not a perfect human

If I can do this, I can do anything.

If I can do this, I can do anything.

On Thursday, I sign a paper that confirms I graduate this summer. While I can’t believe this is happening with still 8 exams (yes, 8 FLIPPING EXAMS! BYYYYYE SOCIAL LIIIIIFE!!) I am a nervous wreck, I don’t do well with change and I was starting to become comfortable with my new school life. And now it’s soon time to move on, on to better and more amazing things but still. A new change which I get to process all summer. Because I first know if I get into my dream education in end July. So, there’s that.

But it is Monday!! A new week at our feet and ready for us to fucking crush it. I have said before that I love Mondays, because the new week and we get to decide our mood going in. Last week I was sick, with a sick Castiel. We had fun together but in true fashion, we were pathetic humans. Cas got better Thursday but we decided to keep him home Friday, just in case. I got better Friday, only for Dines to get sick. Haha.

Dines and I have been talking a lot about the future, our future, Castiels future, our future as individuals. I know without Dines, I would NEVER have gone back to school, I know I stick it through to be able to give Castiel a much better life than I had, a life where love wasn’t a trophy for doing what someone else meant was right, being able to one self without being put down or told that being weird was going to make you unlovable. I’ve learnt to embrace my weirdness, Dines loves my weirdness and the people we had over Friday took pleasure in my weirdness. But without Dines, no way would I have a future… I am unbelievably lucky to be able to make him proud via academia and I will never be able to thank him enough for helping me through school, for opening my eyes to what I want to do with my life and pushing me through. I am glad that my motivation is Castiel and Dines and I’m glad they taught me that other peoples approval means shit. Cause they ain’t shit.

I used to be embarrassed for Dines and Castiel. Dines because I was uneducated and pretended to be dumb so people would think I was his new favourite hobby. I felt embarrassed for Castiel because he had a mum without an education or future. I used to dream that Dines would leave us and join his true love and have babies with her, never to see Castiel or me again. That I wouldn’t be able to give Castiel a life and only embarrassment was disturbing enough, because I’m doing it now, later than my friends, people who have finished uni and are now working. I envy you and I can’t wait to be able to join you. Because this is a blow to my confidence. But it’s cool, I’m nearly there.

 

But until next time.

 

Karina xoxo


Thank you Fall Out Boy for the awesome lyrics, from their new album MANIA.


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