I feel like this will be an on going phase, so I’ve decided to make a series out of this. Enjoy!
When I picked up Castiel yesterday, he was all the way up there where he acts like he is on crack cocaine and I‘m his bitch, toddler parents recognize this. Disclaimer, my kid isn’t on crack cocaine, but I do feed him sugar. Even his day care teachers stared and me and asked, “does he do this at home?‘ – where I replied, “just with a touch of screaming.” I swear; I‘ve never seen anyone look so surprised by the fact that my child, the world’s most hyper child, though in his defence, angel child in day care. Gets all railed up when he sees his probably more hyper mum.
But I’m like 70% caffeine, 10% kale, 10% water and 10% black smoothies. He is just hyper from all those bloody three-hour naps he takes in day care. Does he take them at home? NO! Because what if he misses out on something. Or just decide to be a cock blocker.
Toddler parents will know, when your child hits the toddler phase, dick becomes the nickname to Richard and pussy becomes a cat again. If your toddler senses some sexual tension. He will make sure that dad has to spend the night on the sofa or he suddenly becomes “ill” and can’t sleep.
Toddlers are fun that way, prepubescent, food throwers with anger issues because you served his food on the green plate when he wanted the white one. Or when you give him the wrong smoothie and he gets mad at squirts it in your face. Just remember, when they enter their fifth living year, they become boys. No longer a baby or toddler. That’s where you get revenge; you serve the food on the green plate. ALL THE FUCKING TIME!
With a ton of the wrong smoothie or yes, THE WRONG MILK.
Don’t get me wrong, I have huge love for my little devil. He is mine and he is perfect. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I‘m not complaining, I consider this stage fun. Cause one day he will have children; and go through this and I‘ll be all like; ” respect your parenting boundaries around you, but here’s a drum set for my grandchildren. Suck it.‘
But toddlers are assholes, and teenagers are even more prominent assholes. Thus, get the fuck use to it.
“If your kid gets irritated over the plate colour. You are doing something wrong — my kid never throws tantrums” — yes, he does and your kid plays with faeces.
Either way, they grow out of it. And in the meantime, stock up on candy and wine. Cause until they are five, it’s going to be a wild ride.